Way off topic - Sunday morning
Bob 07-20-2008
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 SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 
'Whatare my choices?' John asked.
 'Yes or no,' she replied.

 SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure 
gateto check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the 
ticketand he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
 Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not  your
 stub.'

 SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at 
thegrocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She 
asked astock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'  The stock boy replied, 'No 
ma'am, they're dead.'

 SMART ASS ANSWER #3 - - The cop got out of his car and the kid who was 
stoppedfor speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' 
thecop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' 
When thecop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

 SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A 
signcomes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows it, the 
bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up 
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and 
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh.' 
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'

 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 -- A college teacher reminds her
 class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses 
  for
 you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a 
 serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's  it,
 no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass guy in the back of the room 
raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering 
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to
 laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles 
knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd 
have to write the exam with your other hand.'

 Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her
 Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'
 The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
 The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12
 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'

 A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy 
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat 
and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
 The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
;~)
Slinger 07-20-2008
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That's funny. Good way to start a sunday I must say.
toper 07-20-2008
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all u to need is the comic strips to go along w/ it,ofeehh and a cup of coffee
Bob 07-20-2008
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If you ever get the sudden

Urge to run around naked,

You should spray yourself with

Some Windex immediately.....

It'll keep you from streaking.

-------------------------------------
 
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
     The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
 
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
     but don't start anything.'
 
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
 
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
 
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:
    'A beer please, and one for the road.'
 
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
 
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones           Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'
 
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy. 
 
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
 
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
 
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
 
12. I went to a seafood disco last week - and pulled a mussel.
 
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
 
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
 
15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
        Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
        kayak and heat it too.
 
16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the
       lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
       manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they
       asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting
       in an open foyer.'
 
17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
      family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they
      name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
      Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had
      a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
      you've seen Ahmal.'
 
18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
       produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
      which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
      breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
      A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 
19. And finally, there was the person who sent nineteen different puns
      to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
     No pun in ten did.